Thursday, November 9, 2017

Bartender! Another insult, please! Part 2

Beckett Reed and Samiyo Datoru
Original Characters 
Written by Snarks 

Beginning March 2014

It was an hour or so before his shift ended but I'd had enough of the inside of the bar.  I didn't mind going out of the occasional drink, and even sitting back and listening to live entertainment could be relaxing, but this had been an average night with nothing of note scheduled.  

Except picking my Samiyo up at ten.  

I went to my car and leaned against the driver's side door, keeping an eye on the front door for a minute or two before it occurred to me that someone as sly as Samiyo would probably slip out the side door and disappear while I stood there like an idiot.  I laughed at myself and walked around the side of the building.

The drunken sot was standing in a darkened corner of the alley way, apparently making no attempt whatsoever to keep his presence a secret.  If he planned to surprise Samiyo on his way out he was doing a poor job of it.  Just to be on the safe side I called my other cousin, Morgan, another of the bouncers who had shown our friend out, and told him my plan.  I left the phone active in case I needed help and put it in my pocket.

I approached the man with a friendly smile, "Hey man, I'm out of cigarettes.  Sell me one?"

I hadn't smoked in years but it was a way to get next to this joker without setting his radar off.

"Yuh.  G' me a buck."  He said, snapping his fingers in an offensive way.  I just smiled, dug into my pocket for a loose dollar and handed it to him, after which he reached into a pack that looked as though he'd squeezed it in his hand and fished out a somewhat bent cig.

"Needa light?"  He slurred, taking a swig from a bottle of vodka which he'd obviously bought at the nearby liquor store.

"Got it," I smiled, pulling out a lighter I kept for clients and lighting the cigarette.  I drew in to get it lit but made a point not to inhale.  Best not to start up the habit again after working so hard to quit in the first place.

"So, ah, what are you doing out here in a smelly alley way?  Do you need a few bucks to get home?  I'll call you a cab."  I offered carefully.  I didn't reach for my cell phone.  I knew from past experience what alcohol could do to a person who couldn't handle it, and who knew if he'd taken anything besides a drink.

"Nuh," he answered, "They pu'me in a cab, the bassurds.  But I fooled 'em!  Ha!  I came back!"  He crowed.  "Waiting for a smart ass bartener da commout.  Sumnobish.  Thinks hesssso funny.  Imma ram my fisss down 'is big fat mouth an 'e kin see how funny 'e is wid'is jaw warred.... waarrred... f***."

"You're willing to get arrested on charges of assault and battery?  Public intoxication?  Aggravated assault?"  I asked, taking a gentle draw on the cigarette.  "Disturbing the peace."  I continued.

"Nuh uh.  Ain' gunna happen.  Gonna clean 'is clock an' run."  The man laughed drunkenly.  "Th'ain't gonna catch me.  M' car's jus' roun' th' corner."

"Nice car, is it?"  I asked interestedly.

"S'lvur BMdublyouyou 4 Ssssserriizz.  Ssssserriieeez. Ah **** it.  ****** thing cossses more' that bassurt'll make in 'is life."

"And you're willing to just hand it over to him?" I asked, acting surprised.

"F*** no!  Whadju talkin' bout me hannin it'a him! You drunk'r jus' stupit?"

"No, but you are."  I replied reasonably, he was too far gone to realized I'd just insulted him. "And if you touch that guy for doing nothing more than insulting you, he'll own your car, your house... hell you'll be working for him for the rest of your life.  Is it really worth it?"

"He inzullllded me!  My guuuurl took off on me!  He 'umiliaded me!"  The man said.  I could hear tears in his voice.

"And that's worth losing everything you have just to get a little revenge?"

"He can' ac' like tha' an' get 'way wid it!  He can't talk t' peeepl' like that!  I'ma vaaarrrry imporntnant man'an 'e can' talk da me like tha'!"  He said, becoming belligerent.

"Well, you're right."  I replied, taking the man off guard.  "Now look, you go on home. I promise I'll take care of the boy, and you get to keep your possessions and your dignity."


"Well yes, of course.  You wouldn't want it known that you had dealings with someone like that, would you?  I mean, you're a big business man.  You have an important job," I cajoled. "A man of your stature getting into a scuffle with a smart mouthed kid is beneath you."

"'e's unprofff... umporfff...  what?"

"As a matter of fact, I plan to do something about his mouth as well.  But my way won't get you arrested or sued.  So, what do you say, my friend.  Let me handle this smart mouthed brat tonight, and you get to keep your car.  Deal?"

Before he had a chance to answer, the yellow cab that Gordon, one of the bouncers had called, showed up at the end of the alley.  "Hey, here's the ride you called for."  I said brightly, leading him toward the cab.  

I wondered if the drunkard was going to fight with me but his brain was pretty well pickled.  "My cab's 'ere?  I called a cab?"  He inquired, screwing his face up in confusion as he tried to remember when and why he'd called for one.

"Yep, here it is."  I replied, walking calmly with him to open the door for him. "You called because you're going to let me handle this kid, remember?"

"I did? I am?  Yer gonna give tha' kid wha' he dessservesss?"  He asked suspiciously.

"Absolutely."  I answered, making the cross my heart motion.

"Awwride then!"  The man grinned, clapping me on the shoulder with nearly enough force to knock me over.  "You ged 'im!  You ged 'im and you givem wha'for from'e!"

"What's your name my friend, I'll be sure to pass your message on."

"Fredrick!"  the man replied before degenerating into drunken gibberish which might have translated into Van Wolfermore but I couldn't be sure.

"All right sir.  Now you just go on and get a good night's sleep."  I said as I helped him into the cab and shut the door.  After the cab pulled away and I watched to be sure that Mr. Van Wolfermore didn't jump out again before taking the phone out of my pocket and giving Gordon the all clear.

"Hey, Gord," I said quickly.

"S'up cos?" He replied.

"Hey, make sure that bartender comes out the front door, OK?  His secret admirer was lurking in the shadows waiting for him to come out of the employee entrance in the alley."

"Do I need to come out?"  He asked, concerned.  It wouldn't be the first time that Sammy had offended a patron who tried to stick around to teach the kid a lesson.

"No, I got the guy into the cab, thank you by the way, but I do want to speak to Sam myself when his shift is over and I don't want to have to hunt him down."

"Gotcha."  Gordon replied with a smile in his voice.  Samiyo wasn't the first man in that bar that I'd taken a shine to, and Gordon was used to herding the occasional lamb my way.


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