I'd found out early on that he still went to church regularly, which didn't surprise me since whenever I was at his house he seemed to enjoy listening to religious music. His taste in music was all over the board though, and I admitted that I was curious.
"My mother used to go to church. She left it years ago," he explained, "but she still loves the music and introduced me to it. My father loved his but it's too far away now for us to go to. We found one in the next city that we liked but haven't been able to get to that one in a while."
I knew that I looked just as confused as I felt.
"Mom and dad were brought up different religions, and we were brought up in Dad's church, but they always told us kids that when we were old enough we could go to any church we wanted to if any. They told us that we could choose to be any religion we wanted to if that's where our hearts were."
"After some looking around I found the church I go to just down the hill from where we live, and I found that I really love it, and the people are really nice. No one makes fun of me. I'm always included in conversations, and our pastor loves it when I have a sudden insight and share it with the congregation, even while he's speaking," he blushed a little then, "but I try not to do that anymore. One of the other folks in the church said something to me. She was really nice about it, so I don't do it anymore until the pastor specifically asks for people's thoughts. The church is almost more like a huge family get together than a service. And I love to go to bible study when I can."
I was surprised at that information. I still went to church occasionally out of respect for my parents, but I couldn't say with any truthfulness that I loved it. Bible study had been required when I'd been in grammar school, and I had been happy to be shut of it once I'd been old enough, since it had been the teacher talking and us taking notes for an hour and a half. Most of us kids had been half or fully asleep by the end of class.
"Would you like to go to church with me sometime?" Dan asked, with what was the closest to excitement I'd ever seen, "I know you'd love it! Please?"
So, the following Sunday I accompanied him to his church, and I had to admit that it was a very friendly and welcoming place, as were the members of the congregation. They all seemed very fond of Daniel and welcomed me with smiles and handshakes all around.
I thoroughly enjoyed the sermon as well. It was very uplifting, interspersed with laughter as the pastor would tell an occasional amusing anecdote related to the subject of his sermon. It was indeed enjoyable, just as Dan had promised.
Afterward, he led me to the 'Fellowship Room' which was basically a casually finished basement with a coffee station, tea, and a variety of pastries, cookies, and donuts provided by the congregants. As he stopped to talk to various people I listened to nearby conversations as well. There was no gossiping about anyone that I could tell, not a bad word to be heard about anything or anyone. People laughed, and joked, and smiled. Some were making plans for Bible study, some were talking about the choir and I even heard one of the congregation asking Dan if he'd like to join. I nearly laughed when I saw the look of surprise on his face. I was a little surprised myself since he'd told me himself that he was a terrible singer. I wondered if he really could sing and that he'd just been playing his talent down.
Now, I know that people are people, humans for the most part and that these folks most likely weren't always this happy and, well, perfect was the only word I could find to describe them. I know that no one is perfect, but they came damned close, at least in the Fellowship Room. Apparently, they took the name of the room to heart, and I wondered if my church would do the same thing if I suggested it and if people would be so nice.
Usually, after service at my church, people were just barely patient while queuing to leave, but then when they got caught in the snarl of traffic in the parking lot and the street, they reverted to form, laying on their horns and yelling at the people annoying them.
Dan's church, when it came time to leave, was unbelievably orderly. The pastor, after reminding everyone to buckle up for safety, and church elders were allowed to leave first, then each person in turn after them would back up or pull forward and follow the procession to the street where they all went their separate ways. I'd never seen anything like it before. Of course, it was a very small congregation compared to what I was used to and I supposed that this worked fine for them, but I sincerely doubted that things would run as smoothly at my church. Dan had to nudge me when it was our turn because I was still watching with awe.
"Did you like it?" he asked me. I could see that he was afraid of the answer.
"I liked it a lot, Dan. Thank you for bringing me here," I replied with a smile. "I think the folks in your church are pretty great."
He looked at me as though I might be just saying it to be nice, so I reassured him that I meant it, wholeheartedly.
He smiled as he sat back, visibly relaxed. He spoke in length about his church and his pastor on the ride to his job where I'd promised to drop him off afterward.
"Will you come again?" he asked hopefully as we arrived at our destination and he prepared to get out of the car.
"I'd like that," I grinned at his enthusiasm, "would you like to give my church a visit one Sunday?"
"What's it called?" he asked curiously.
I told him the name, and it was as if a door had shut, no slammed, violently between us. He thanked me for the ride and said he'd call me when he got out of work if that was alright.
I had no idea what was going on but there was no time to ask as he quickly exited the car and nearly ran into the store.
He did call that evening and he apologized for his reaction to my request.
"It's just that mom grew in a church like yours, and... well... her experiences there weren't very nice, so... I worried that she'd get upset if I went with you. But she said it's my decision. She's never forced me to go or not to go to any church I wanted to. Even when I considered Judaism and Wicca she said as long as I was happy with it she was good with whatever I decided."
My eyebrows rose in complete surprise. I'd never heard of that before. I knew for a fact that if I'd ever told my parents that I'd wanted to change religions they'd have a few things to say, and I'd come out a little the worse for wear for it, even at the age of 29.
"I had no idea, Dan, I'm sorry about your mom."
"Don't be," he replied quietly, "She said that all of that was years ago. I'd... like to go with you."
I wasn't the least convinced. While I couldn't see his face, I knew that he was feeling conflicted and guilty, and I hated for him to feel that way.
"Would it help if I talked to your mother about it?" I asked gently.
"You can try," he said, sounding just a little bit relieved.
"Don't worry, Dan, I'll see if I can bring the subject up naturally, and we can see what she has to say, ok?"
"Ok," he replied quietly, "do... do you think... maybe... you can come over and we can watch TV tonight? Maybe you can bring it up then?"
"If you really want me to, I will. Dan... if she's really not good with it, I won't bug you to come with me, ok? I don't want to cause any friction between you and your parents."
"There were a lot of people in my mother's family who didn't like that dad was from a different religion, and they didn't like that mom wasn't raising us kids the same way she'd been raised. A couple of my aunts said that dad was abusing mom and forcing her not to. Mom tried to explain that it had nothing to do with dad but they insisted that mom had been brainwashed."
I couldn't follow the conversation for a minute, too stunned at what Dan was telling me to comprehend it, and then I thought I had it figured out. "So, your father wouldn't mind, but your mother would?"
"Dad just shut down when I brought the subject up. My mother... well, she wasn't exactly upset, but I could tell that she wasn't happy, but like she said back when, any religion that made me happy was fine with her. I'd like to see what things are like at your church, I guess. I like to go into different churches to look at the architecture, but other than nonnie's and papa's funerals, I've never been in that kind of church during a regular service."
"Well, as long as it's alright with your folks that I come over tonight I'll be happy to. And Dan, like I said, if this is going to cause a problem, I won't bring it up again. I just hope that she doesn't mind the fact that I'm a different religion."
"She didn't say anything about it one way or the other. She's always told me that people have the right to be whatever religion they love and no one should tell them otherwise."
"So... did your mother convert? I don't mean to be nosy, I'm just curious."
"No. She calls herself a... theist-agnostic. Did I say that right?" he asked with a frown as he tried to remember.
"I guess," I replied, uncertainty, making a mental note to look it up when I was done talking to Dan. I'd heard the word 'agnostic', but I wasn't sure of the exact meaning. I'd never heard of a 'theist-agnostic'.
"Ok, sure, what time should I come over?"
"Hang on a minute ok?"
I didn't have a chance to respond before he called to his mother, asking if it was alright if I visited. I could hear her pleasant laugh as she said, "This is your house too. As long as you don't have any wild parties have anyone over that you like. Tell him dinner is at six if he wants to come. We're having a roast."
I laughed as well and told him that I'd heard her and that I'd love to go over for dinner. I looked at my wall clock and saw that I had more than enough time to take a shower and perhaps stop by a liquor store for a nice bottle of wine.
"See you at six then, or whenever you want to show up is fine," he added hastily.
"I'll be there as soon as I can. See you soon, hon," I grinned.
"See you soon," he replied just before he hung up.
It was then that I realized that he'd never called me anything other than my name, and I wondered if he felt the same about me as I did about him.
Pushing that little insecurity aside for the moment, I went to my laptop and typed in the word 'agnostic'. The first definition made me laugh. Whoever had written the article had definitely had a sense of humor. The author had gone on to define what a theist-agnostic was.
I thought about those definitions as I took my shower, then put them aside while I dressed in jeans and a polo shirt and headed out. I knew exactly which wine would go nicely with a roast, picked up a large box of chocolates and went to Dan's house where I was greeted once again with smiles, and thanked profusely for the gifts. She put the bottle on ice and brought out small wine glasses, setting them next to each plate. Even Freddie's, which confused me a little. I wondered if she was actually going to give her 14-year-old son a glass of wine but put that thought aside as well for the time being.
Dan, Freddie and I took turns on their game system while we waited for dinner to be ready. The scent was making my mouth water so I was more than happy to turn it off and head to the kitchen. I politely held Mrs. Johnson's chair as she sat. From her dismayed expression, I could tell that she didn't normally get that kind of treatment. "Thank you," she said, sounding a little surprised.
"Don't get used to that," came a relatively deep voice from her right. It was her husband whom I hadn't heard speak more than one word in the time I'd been visiting Dan.
I looked at her husband, startled that he'd say something like that to his own wife, but I could see the glimmer of humor in his eyes, matched by his wife's as she replied, "Oh, don't worry, I won't, and don't you get used to eating every night. Now, why don't you slice the roast, it could be your last meal for a while."
"As you wish," he said as he proceeded to do as his wife had suggested.
I looked back and forth between the two of them. They hadn't really looked at each other much throughout that dry exchange, but there was an expression on both of their faces, mild, almost too mild to see, of amusement, which was vastly at odds with their words.
I was distracted by Freddie who immediately grabbed the bowl filled with roasted potatoes and gave himself a generous helping before passing the bowl to Dan, who took a more human portion before passing it to me. I looked at what was left with a worried expression.
"Oh, don't worry, Jonah, we're potato fiends. I always make extra," Mrs. Johnson said with a grin, "take as much as you want and I'll refill the bowl."
I could smell the subtle spices and garlic with which she'd seasoned them and took a large spoonful before offering to refill the bowl for her.
"That's nice of you!" she said, sounding surprised once again, "I put them in the oven to keep warm. Let's just empty this one first, alright?"
After she and her husband had taken their share I gladly refilled the bowl and then sat down to eat the fragrant slices of roast that her husband had put on my plate for me. Mixed vegetables were passed around in the same manner with the lady of the house assuring me that there was plenty and not to worry if I wanted more. The rolls were still hot and the softened butter melted quickly on them. She'd also put out a jar of jam in case anyone wanted that for the rolls. Not surprisingly, Freddie immediately asked for the jar and put a spoonful on his roll before shoving the whole thing into his mouth.
"Freddie..." his mother said, letting the rest of the sentence trail off as she gave her youngest 'the look'. He apologized, not looking the least apologetic, and grinned before tackling the portion of roast he'd been given.
Dan got up and poured the wine giving everyone a half glass. Except for Freddie whose glass he filled with apple cider. The boy didn't seem to mind in the least and drank the cider so fast that Dan hadn't even had the chance to reseat himself before his little brother asked him for more.
It wasn't until later, after Freddie had disappeared into his room and the rest of us were sitting around the table chatting and having coffee, or in Daniel's case, iced tea, that he brought up the subject of religion.
"Not now, Daniel," his father said tiredly, cradling his head in one of his hands.
I could see his mother stiffen up slightly as she took another sip of her coffee. She wouldn't look at anyone and I could see her jawline tighten up.
"Maybe it's not a good time, Dan," I said softly.
"Danny told me that he wanted to visit your church with you," his mother said quietly, stressing the word 'visit', "if that's what he wants to do then that's what he should do. My own experiences back in the dark ages have nothing to do with the church now. I've been told that things have changed since then."
Quietly, and as politely as I could, I asked her if she'd be willing to share some of her experiences with me so that I could understand better. At first, she wouldn't speak, but I asked her again. She looked at her husband who shrugged and took his coffee into the living room where we could hear the sounds of the game system being turned on.
I sat quietly while she told me about a few of her experiences. My heart hurt for her, for the little girl she had been, as she recited each heart-rending episode in a detached tone, looking down at her cup of coffee as she did so.
"I'm epileptic. And apparently I had ADHD, which no one knew existed back then, so I was labeled a troublemaker and lazy. They'd call my mother and tell her what a horrible kid I was and she'd... well, that doesn't matter now. The thing is, as much as I want to leave the past behind me, I can't forget. I do my best to forgive and hope that anyone I'd hurt has forgiven me by now, but I can't forget. I've tried, believe me. Anyway, that's enough from me."
"Honestly, Mrs. Johnson, things really are a lot different now. They're not like that anymore."
"I'm sure they're not," she replied with a wan smile, "I'm just not willing to give them the chance. Eighteen years of that was more then enough," she tried to laugh, "anyway, Dan, if you want to go, go ahead. I'm not going to stop you if it's something you really want to do."
"Are you sure, mom?" Dan asked anxiously.
"You're an adult, it's your choice. Would you like more coffee, Jonah?"
"No, thank you. I have to get going soon. I have to get there early if I want to open on time," I explained to my Daniel with a smile so that he'd know that his mother hadn't upset me, "and I need to get some sleep."
She took me by the hand at the door as I was getting ready to leave. She pulled me forward and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before wishing me a goodnight and heading toward her own bedroom.
Once again, Dan gave me a handshake goodnight and watched to make sure I got off alright before closing the door.
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